I am winging it right now

Butterfly Stars (a re-do of a very old watercolor image I did around 1990) - Print here.

My dear friends,

I started this blog not that long ago, filled it up with the few posts I had made over the past five years in various places, opened it up, emailed you all, and then… landed with a THUD.

You’ve hardly heard from me since! (I did have a technological meltdown so there’s that.) But what is up with me? Why am I sitting here feeling blocked?

I’ve been forced to examine myself a bit and have come to a few conclusions. At least for now. Until I get a real trajectory going again with my artwork.

1. I turned off the payments to this blog. Those of you angels who were kind enough to pony up money for me to do this have been put on “pause” for now. My purpose here isn’t fully formed yet, and I would prefer to have this succeed or fail on it’s own merits first, then later beg for money. (Any of you who would like reimbursement, just let me know, happy to do it.) This takes the pressure off of me. I have been feeling guilty because you all are so kind and supportive to help financially, while at the same time I feel pressured to DO SOMETHING. MAKE SOME KIND OF ART. SOMETHING. That’s just putting myself into a box, so I am removing it for now.

2. Something you may or may not know about me personally: I have spent a huge part of my life taking care of other people and their concerns, in one way or another. This has to do with my family upbringing, and I never learned to give priority and time to myself, which is what an artist must do in order to work. This recurring circumstance has always interfered with the pursuit of my artwork, plus because I am ridiculously sensitive to other people’s energy and needs, it overwhelms me and I become miserable as my own energetic integrity fails. And, recently I went through a hellish experience the past four years taking care of my elderly mother and her husband. I’m only just now starting to recover.

3. When I started Chicken Art back around 2012, I thought I was going to finally be building something for me, but because I had never actually done anything like that before, I inadvertently sabotaged myself. If you followed me back then you will remember I started out with lots of inspiration and fun, but then gradually started asking people what they wanted instead, even doing Facebook polls and taking requests and such. And then I got all bogged down by my own success and made it so business-oriented that I lost the plot. I lost the whole point, my artwork, my own self expression! I was working 18 hr days with no time to paint. This is why I had to close Chicken Art. (I also got quite tired of painting chickens and had locked myself in, to be honest.)

4. It’s time for me to figure out a way to make money with my artwork without doing this kind of thing to myself. I need to stop making myself beholden to others, worrying about what they might think, or trying too hard to please them. I need to learn to trust my own inspirations and not worry about trying to “create a niche in the market” and other such stuff. If people decide they don’t like my work as it comes out, then I will just have to deal with that when it happens, right?

Okay so enough tortured-artist stuff for now. I have begun painting some new things, but do not have anything yet to show. It will take a bit, maybe even all summer before I really land in a new direction, but I do promise to post new work as I go.

5. I lowered prices in my online store. I previously had the prices set to accommodate other stores that would purchase wholesale from me. I have decided to remove that option also. From now on I will only sell direct to the public, through my website, and probably also through Twitter once I get myself verified there, since they will be offering that option soon. So the lower prices now reflect only my cost and shipping, plus a little profit for me. (The chicken images are still for sale in the form of prints and posters, and always will be.)

Yes I do still have fun painting the rooms in my house, still in the process of that. Just did another bathroom. Planning to do my living room for the first time ever, very soon. I need to stain the deck again. The garden is beginning to call to me, weeds need tending, tulips are coming up, bare root roses need planting. I see the peonies are starting to come up too. The chickens are laying like crazy. A hawk got one of them yesterday.

All of these things I am fortunate enough to be able to do. My life truly is beautiful. And someday I will also learn to fly properly. 🥰